Live Blog: SpicyPova

The legend Maria Sharapova was, at least in all my experience covering tennis, the consummate media professional. She was punctual, she answered every question, she gave good quote, and she took her losses on the chin. I'm glad she's getting inducted into the International Tennis Hall of Fame next month.

So yes, I was very interested to see how she would handle her turn on Hot Ones. I love Hot Ones and I think Sean Evans is a fantastic interviewer. The whole conceit of the show is great. Sit celebrities down to go through escalating hot-sauced wings, while conducting an otherwise deep and serious interview. It's genius. You get more honesty and transparency by distracting the subject, and in the case of hot sauces, you're physiologically distracting them too. I spent years brainstorming a way to bring the concept to tennis – ask players question while they're distracted by something – but could never really land on one that would work.

Oh well. Guess we'll just have to wait until they're retired and selling beer.

• 3:15: Well of COURSE she watched tape to prepare. Once an athlete, always an athlete.
• 3:35: I absolutely yelled "LEFTY!" and I was right. Fistpump.
• 5:19: That's not a perfect serve, girl, come on. I would be so mad at my bartender!
• 6:13: OMG WAIT. Sean READS his questions from a prompter??? This is like finding out Santa Claus wears no pants. Or maybe he had to re-read it after the fact. I don't know. But I'm still floored!
• 8:00: Ok lol, I'm now having absolute flashbacks and revertigo of all the times Maria was being an absolute pro but also completely trashing you to your face with a smile. She was an all-time GOAT at that.

• 8:20: Good question, Sean!

"I do find that in some of those [runner-up] moments you get to know an individual's personality and you really, in moments of vulnerability, especially as an athlete, your character comes through of how you're handling a difficult situation. So part of being on the podium as a runner-up ultimately sets you up for winning."

• 9:45: Maria constantly taking swigs of Stella like a sponsorship pro. This is why she was the highest paid female athlete in the world for all those years. Well yes, there were other reasons too, but her ability and willingness to sell product was second to none.

• 14:00: DA BOMB O'CLOCK. In case you're wondering, here was Serena's reaction to the legendarily terrible DA BOMB:

• 15:10: NOOO NOT THE EYES
• 15:12: Oh god she is in hell. This is her Serena.
• 15:52: Death stare + "What the fuck is a cherry picker?" = Perfection.
• 16:13:

• 16:50: Good question, Sean!
• 17:40: STOP STALLING MARIA IT'S BAD SPORTSMANSHIP
• 19:05: No. Offense to everyone! Pickleball is a joke and a scourge and even Maria can't hide her disdain.
• 21:32: Absolute pro. Locking back in to interview mode.

Which tennis player would you like to see on Hot Wings and why is the only correct answer Rafael Nadal?

Fun (maybe?) anecdote: When Maria was still playing, one of our mutual friends sent me a text saying hey, Maria wants to get into board games. Do you have any recommendations?

[turns to look at wall that currently houses over 200 board games]

OBVIOUSLY YES.

So I write back to my friend with a lonnnnnnnng and very detailed list of games that I would recommend. It was one of those, well if she's interested in a chill theme, I love VITICULTURE, but ONLY if you play it with the Tuscany expansion. Or if she wants something really tense but cooperative, any of the PANDEMIC games will do, but I like the Iberia version best. Yadda, yadda, yadda, it was like a lot of games I was suggesting.

Flash forward to the Australian Open a few months later and I'm running around the media center on media day. I'm walking down one of the corridors right as Maria is coming out of a small room where they were doing TV interviews. Suddenly I hear her behind me.

"There are literally four Amazon boxes outside my house right now."

"Oh, hey Maria. What?"

"The games. They're sitting outside my gate."

"What?

"The ones you recommended."

"Oh! What?"

"They were just delivered today."

"Oh. Sorry."

"What?"

"What?"

"Are you ok?"

"Probably not."

It was a great conversation. I am an incredible conversationalist and very normal when called upon to engage in a spontaneous social interaction. Fantastic stuff. Just call me Orson Welles.

ANYWAY.

So, like, for the last eight years I have been left wondering whether she even liked the games. Like, did Maria Sharapova open up SUSHI GO PARTY and roll her eyes and find me unserious? Did SANTORINI leave her utterly confused and annoyed? Did she whip out DIXIT at a fancy dinner party and become the life of the party thanks to ME???

Guess I'll never know.