Out of Office Reply

Here's the thing about sports: to me, sports always matter. It's community, it's solace, it's life lessons, it's low-stakes soap operas that permit you the space to be an absolute wonk job. With sports, you can love loud, rage louder, and experience that catharsis and comfort that might not be prevalent in your life otherwise.

But writing about sports? No, writing about sports does not always matter. In fact, sometimes writing about sports can just make things worse.

That's how I've felt for much of today. I was supposed to wake up at 10am and do a standard (for me) six-hour stream where we giggle and dish about the first seven days of the Australian Open. Instead, I woke up at 10am and just stared at my phone. I stayed there until play started at 4:30pm.

I watched Carlos Alcaraz and Tommy Paul play an entertaining but ultimately never-in-doubt three-setter. I marveled as the scoreline ticked by for Iva Jovic. I laughed a knowing laugh listening to my mom tell anyone who would listen – including the dog – that Coco Gauff's dress was beautiful and stylish.

I did it all with an unshakeable numbness. Usually when I'm onsite covering events, it's easy – for better or worse – to block out the world and live in your little alternate reality, one where your biggest concern every day is how to maximize your meal credit so you don't do bad things at a McDonalds at 2am. And maybe if I was in Melbourne right now, I would be able to do that.

I doubt it.

So instead of forcing myself to sit here and giggle about Day 8 at the Australian Open, I'm going to log off for the night. I'm going to plop down on the couch with my mom and watch Medvedev-Tien, which is only a weird "comfort watch" if you're not someone who also finds ZERO DARK THIRTY, ZODIAC, and SILENCE OF THE LAMBS comfort watches. No computer monitors, no blank-screen blogging platforms, and no having to scroll Twitter, where all the stuff I want so desperately not to see is the only thing that I see.

I'm going to do that and then I'm going to go to sleep at a reasonable (for me) hour – lol watch them play for five hours again – and then I'm going to get up and try and get back in the saddle. We'll see how it goes.

But all I want from tennis right now is to watch it.

See y'all on the flip.