PSA: Clean your hole

A lot of people think I'm a big tech-head. They are not wrong.

BUT THEY ARE ALSO NOT RIGHT.

I am not a member of the Cult of the New. In fact, if you follow me this is pretty obvious – I AM VERY SKEPTICAL OF NEW TECHNOLOGY, especially when it comes to gadgets. It's so easy to get scammed, especially nowadays, as the prices of a lot gadgets has become so low (well, at least pre-tariffs) as to make the buying decision feel less consequential.

If this cheap, low quality widget breaks, I can just throw it away and buy a new one.

I just...really hate that mentality. I don't like buying cheap things knowing that I'll replace them. It feels wasteful and, yes, you get what you pay for (derogatory). I feel like I'm getting scammed.

I also think that mentality makes it easier to fall into the Tech FOMO trap. Never let them convince you that you're missing out if you don't upgrade to the newest thing. Are you perfectly happy with the thing you have? Then you're fine!

I do watch Marques Brownlee and read Wirecutter like a tech normie. But I will also spend months researching a piece of gear because when I make buying decisions I want the tech I choose to LAST ME FOREVER. And you know what? I'm pretty much vindicated across the board on this.

The best example of this is that I still use an iPhone 11 Pro. That's SIX iPhone generations ago. My phone knows what life was like in a pre-pandemic world. It's great!

Is it slow? How the hell should I know! I have no frame of reference, but I most certainly know I have never once thought gosh I wish this phone was faster.

Are the graphics the best? How the hell should I know! I have no frame of reference, but I most certainly know I have never once thought gosh I wish this phone didn't look like shit.

Does it take cinematic-quality video and Ansel-Adams quality photos? No and neither do I! You're not Sean Baker or Steven Soderberg. You're not even one of the two Russo brothers. YOU POST SELFIES ON INSTAGRAM AND VIDEO YOUR DOG SNORING. You don't need that shit and don't let those ghouls convince you that you do.

BUT.

I have been struuuuuggling with my iPhone for the last year because the charging has become completely unreliable and inconsistent. I'm perfectly happy with how it works! I'm not someone who needs ProMotion or max-Pixel cameras or god forbid MEEEMOJIS (be serious). I never use it as an actual cell phone, as anyone who has attempted to call me has come to learn.

I don't watch content on it. I don't game on it. As a true ball-knower (read: content ingester and gamer) I do all my entertainment stuff on separate, proper devices dedicated to those things.

But the goddamn thing wasn't charging! If I plugged the lightning cable in – lol yes remember LIGHTNING CABLES – I had to wiggle it to get a charge and then hope to god when I pulled my hands away the charge would hold. Alternatively, I could use a wireless charger, which I did while I was sleeping. But that's not really helpful when you need to charge your phone while on the run.

So you can imagine my frustration when on my last international trip, I checked my phone only to realize that I was like at 10% charge and then scrambled to charge it, only to just NOT be able to get a connection. That's a bit of a disaster when (1) I needed to Uber home and (2) I had just lost my debit card so my only way of paying for anything was via Apple Pay.

Traumatized by this stress, and facing a nearly two-month trip to Asia in two weeks, I needed to get this rectified. So there I was on Monday night researching phone upgrades, only to realize the iPhone 17 was going to be announced in a few hours. They announced it, it's the same price as the iPhone 16, I need to switch my cell carrier anyway, so this seemed like a no-brainer.

But I still felt dumb waiting to buy it because...my phone works fine! I'm perfectly happy with it! I just need it to charge!

So I happened to be talking to my dad about all this – shout out dad – and he was like (1) well first of all we should add you to our T-Mobile plan (thanks!) and (2) have you tried cleaning out the charging point on your phone. I was like pfft that's not going to fix anything, come on, surely it's a mechanical issue. And he just shrugged that Dad Shrug.

Well like any good Dad Shrug, that Dad Shrug has haunted me for the last day. So finally, about an hour ago, as I was watching Hasan Piker on Twitch FOR NO REASON AT ALL, I was like, well I guess cleaning it is worth trying.

And once again, much to my elation and chagrin, my dad was right for like the 9,837th straight time.

I did a quick search on Reddit and I found a post where a guy said he was an Apple Store employee and 90% of the time when someone complains about charging, they find "half a rotisserie chicken in there". Well I did not find the chicken in there but I did find the remnants of the pillow that was clearly used to suffocate it while sleeping.

Anyway, everyone should take the time to do this, especially if you've had your phone for a year or more or if, when you plug in your cable, you don't get that satisfying sensory-click – mine would literally click in and then rebound back and unclick. Dust and lint accumulates in there easily, what with all the putting in and pulling out of back pockets or purses. I had no idea that buildup was what was pushing my cable out.

It's very easy. I was hesitant to use a metal scraping device since there are contacts in the port, so I just took a plastic toothpick from a Swiss Army knife – because for whatever reason we are the only Asian household that does not have ONE SINGLE WOODEN TOOTHPICK – and stuck it into the charging port and started scraping the sides and digging down. Nothing seemed to happen at first, but when I blew into the port and started to intentionally try and scrape up any debris, all those puffs of lint emerged. In fact, once I knew what I was looking for, I could absolutely see all the crud I needed to clean up when I looked into the port with a good light source.

Don't use any liquid, obviously. If you want, you can dip a flattened wooden chopstick in isopropyl alcohol to get a deeper clean, but I did not do that and it was fine. I didn't want to fuck things up and introduce any sort of liquid into the circuitry. You can also use this opportunity to inspect and clean the speaker holes as well.

This was all very satisfying. And when I was finally convinced it was clean, I plugged in a cable and it's charging again, good as new, even when I wiggle the cable around.

FIXED! Just in time to see a text from my parents that Murray maybe might have found and killed a rat? It's like the wild wild west out here.

Look, I still might have to get the new iPhone soon. I'm not sure my beautiful baby boy will last much longer. As tennis has taught us, Father Time is undefeated. But at least now I don't feel pressured to make this decision before I leave and I can just wait until I get home to sort all that out.

You're welcome, Future Me!